he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
