I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
