Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize