Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize