dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
