guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
