You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
