I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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