I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
