i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
