Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize