i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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