just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
