i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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