His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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