looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
