If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
