Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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