Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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