My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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