I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
