On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize