I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
