just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
