Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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