I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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