If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
