I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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