this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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