dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
