You just made me feel so damn special
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
