it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
