If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize