i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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