Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
