Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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