I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I cockslap morals
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
