i just google imaged poop.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
