I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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