If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You need Xanax blowdarts
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
