Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
