All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
