Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
