I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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