I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
