she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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