And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
