My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
