Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
