I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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