And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
