I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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