hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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