I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
