I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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