Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
