I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
