What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
