it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
