I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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