What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
