I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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