I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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